I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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