Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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