Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
