I puked a lego.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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