you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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