I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
