i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
