Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
