This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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