Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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