I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
soo... how was my night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
