I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
