why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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