Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
