Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
