textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
