WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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