So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
