I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
