Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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