Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
