My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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