Soap is not a condiment
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
