Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had sex on a roof
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
