hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
