Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there is glitter all over my balls
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