PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
two words...techno handjob
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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