Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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