He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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