Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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