Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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