I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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