I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
