You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
