I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
too bad you live with your parents still
someone owes me an orgasm
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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