I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
