her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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