ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
