Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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