Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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