Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
