Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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