I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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