Soap is not a condiment
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
