he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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