? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
