garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
