I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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