my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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