i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
