We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
