Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
