shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
