Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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