you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize