either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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