We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
True college students do jello shots in the library
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