your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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