i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize