The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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