get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
