There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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