I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
