Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
