Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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