no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
