if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
