I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
