genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
