I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
