I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
