arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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