so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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