i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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