Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sarcasm needs its own font
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
